Those First Two Weeks
How do I describe the whirlwind of those first weeks of a newborn and a new mommy? Basically, I was crazy. My eyes were constantly puffy from a non-stop stream of tears and a two hour night sleep, I was paranoid about everything (let’s not even talk about my SIDS obsession), and I wanted so badly for things to go back to the way they were, but still somehow wanted this new baby at the same time.
My mom and mother-in-law took shifts and spent the first week with us and I think it may have been better than a five star hotel. I mean, every meal was prepared and even brought to me in bed if I wanted, the laundry was washed and folded and placed neatly in the drawers, our house was constantly being cleaned and whenever baby made a squeak, someone was there to pamper her while I rested. I wish I would have known how good I had it, because I was in for a big reality check when they went home.
I first realized I was dealing with Post-partum Depression when Austin took me out to dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant and I didn’t want to eat anything. That is definitely out of character for me! I found myself crying on the bathroom floor more times than I’d like to admit. PPD is a real thing and even though I knew how bizarre I was acting, I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Thankfully, I was able to get into my doctor and get the help I needed. A few days after, I was a complete different person. I found myself loving being a mom and could actually hold myself together when Austin left us to go to school. I wish people were more open about how hard it is to be a mom. All you see on social media is the pictures of glowing mothers doting on their perfect sleeping child. What you don’t see is the behind-the-scenes meltdowns and panic attacks.
I wasn’t the only one having a hard time adjusting to this new life. Poor baby girl was not a too fond of life on the outside. She was not an easy baby, by any means. When we took her to get her newborn pictures, it took us two hours to get one shot because she would just scream the whol
e time. The photographer was kind enough to let us come back and try again a different day, but baby decided not to cooperate that day either.
What I learned in those first two weeks was this; to have a baby, especially a challenging one, you have to have a sense of humor and learn to go with the flow. Your old life is gone, and you’re tossed upside down into a new one. For me, I had to let myself mourn the loss of my old life, to appreciate the joys of this new life. It was the simple things that kept me going. There is no feeling quite like holding your sleeping baby; watching the faces they make as they dream and listening their little breaths! At the risk of sounding horribly mushy, I must admit, I really have never felt so close to Heaven.